FOR ME, ONE OF THE great memory-triggers, is music. I was more than a little obsessed with radio and music during the 1970s. It was an escape, yes, but also a vital link to a world outside my four walls. I remember loving the voice of Gilbert O'Sullivan and the sweet, upbeat tune he mastered for his hit, Alone Again (Naturally). The tune belied the lyrics.
In a little while from now
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top
Will throw myself off
In an effort to
Make it clear to who ever
Wants to know what it's like
When you're shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Where people saying, My God, that's tough
She stood him up
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally.
To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to who wouldn't do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about, God in His mercy
Oh, if he really does exist
Why did he desert me
In my hour of need?
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally
It seems to me that
there are more hearts
Broken in the world
that can't be mended
left unattended
What do we do?
What do we do?
Alone again, naturally
Looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at 65 years old,
My mother, God rest her soul
Couldn't understand why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start
With a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day,
Alone again, naturally.
Although I've never been stood-up at the alter, I can understand the author's universal questions. Why God? So alone... devastated by humanity's insensitivies ..so ready to end it all...
I'm not in that sad place now but I will never forget it. I suppose having been in the depths of despair helps me more appreciate my present mental health and happiness and goodness of humanity.
How about you? Is there a song, or songs that remind you of sadder (or happier) times?
While never feeling suicidal as a teen I was lonely and felt desperately lonely as this song certainly spoke to....self esteem issues were magnified...I have many music memories that are attached to ex-boyfriends so I do not listen to those songs...but many happy memories from the early 60s when I was growing up and teeny bopping
ReplyDeleteGrace...I've heard "Alone Again" lots of times and loved it but never really listened to all the words...thanks! Two songs come to mind I did listen to a lot that spoke to my feelings and I will still turn up the volume if I hear them, one was "Moon River" the other, "On The Wings Of A Snow White Dove." I hear the latter on the classic country music station I listen to when I'm cleaning house and if I hear it, I always have to stop what I'm doing and dance. :)
ReplyDeleteI remember listening to a lot of John Denver music when I was a teenager. Listening to his music now takes me back to when I listened and sang along to his songs--happy and sad--and wondered what my life would be like, wondered if I'd ever find love.
ReplyDeleteAny songs from the sixties and seventies remind me of date night - Saturday night. Some remind me of a specific guy, but each brings back a very specific memory.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I have this kind of voluntary amnesia when it comes to my depression. As soon as it lifts, I don't want to return to it -- no way, no how. And so, while I do love any music that asks the "hard questions," I tend not to connect it to my depressive episodes.
ReplyDeleteThat said, every time I read your blog posts, it makes me that much more excited to read your memoir!
Laura
Hi Grace. I used to love the tune... In fact, Just hearing it again reminds me how I liked it. I think I had an awareness, of sorts, of the words at the time, but not completely.
ReplyDeleteDoes not your heart go out to a person suffering rejection and loss. Even more so, the person having no one to talk to.
I truly believe this is where we, as empathetic (or at least, sympathetic) persons have the ability to help others through difficulties.
It takes one to reach one... And hopefully it comes full circle. :-)
Good post, sweet person.
"Someone to Watch Over Me" still brings a lump to my throat.
ReplyDelete"There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me"
Knowing I have no one to turn to in times of trouble has been a great sadness in my life. I now have a wonderful friend and amazing children but the memory of that feeling lingers on.